Commanders Little Princess
by evelitan
Summary: Starts with the famous knife scene between Lexa and Clark, but it takes a turn in an unexpected direction. Something they find along the way of their mending relationship will be the key to understanding them. More characters will appear with every chapter (or at least this is the original plan).
1. Chapter 1 - Awkard Reunion

_**Author`s note:** I do not own any of the characters of the show, I just borrow them for my FICTIONAL version of things. This story is just something that came to my mind while I was listening to the trigedasleng song from the 3x3 (Amazing song by the way)._  
 _This story is intended to be a couple of chapters long, so I`d appreciate every comment I get. I am constantly trying to improve my writing, so (as long as you are nice about it) I welcome your criticism._  
 _I hope you enjoy the story!_

Angry blue eyes staring nonchalantly at mine, speaking without words, arguing without voice. I could see the internal battle of her thoughts in her deep eyes, haunted, hurt and even fearful of her actions, past and present. I wasn`t afraid of dying, it was kind of in the description of my job as a Commander, the only thing that mattered was the way I was supposed to die and that was not by Clark`s hand.

Only this time, it wasn`t Clark holding the knife, demanding justice, seeking revenge, it was _Wanheda_. The girl that she was once, innocent and naïve was long gone, the only trace left of her were those clear sky blue eyes, that instead of shining were now dulled with pain. I had never seen her like that before, the _Skaiprisa_ had always preserved her untamed spirit, even after the bombing of Ton DC, even after her murder of the boy she once loved. Clark had managed to preserve the glow in her eyes, because every time she would do something that her consciousness would have never permitted her under "normal" circumstance, she would blame it on me and now she was filled with anger, giving into that seducible bitter - sweet sensation coursing through her veins. I had let her use me as an excuse for her actions before, when in fact she didn`t need to give any explanation to anyone about her choices, she was a leader and that entailed something more than just shouting orders from the comfort of her camp. She had to think as a leader not only try and act as one.

Three months had passed since Mount Weather and only now, with a knife against my skin, shaky breathing and pressed closely to me, did the realization of her actions hit her. I meant what I said to her, I never meant to turn her into _this_ , I never meant to _break_ her, but I had a duty to my people and I would not apologize for that. A duty that was meant for me long before I was even born. I know she had fully understood my questionable choice the moment I sensed her ease the pressure and step back from me. Part of me was sad because of the sudden loss of her figure pressed so close to me. We had never allowed ourselves this closeness before, a closeness that was just as comforting as it was painful and addictive, a sensation that had left me longing for more. I could still sense her soft lips on mine from that kiss we shared so long ago that now it felt as if it was from another lifetime – so many things had changed, so many problems were created.

 _Hodnes laik kwenles._ A voice was shouting at the back of my head, but this time I couldn`t care less about it. Clark could have finished my fight mere moments ago, but something in her stopped her as well, perhaps all was not lost after all. A single drop of blood creeped slowly from the little nip on my neck and when the girl in front of me turned to face me, I saw _her_ again, even if it was just a momentarily glimpse, I saw _her_. Wanheda had backed down and Clark was staring at me once again, scanning my features with heavy eyes, full with a storm of unshed tears. I could see her resolve and desire for revenge from earlier disappear when she traced with gentle touches, the drop of blood that was going down my neck.

Clark…

Her name sounded so familiar, but at the same time so new and raw. All those months of hoping that she was alive and wondering where she was, all those endless nightmares that kept me awake every night, had left my body drained of energy. Even though I had my emotionless mask always on and nobody (except for Indra) knew that something was wrong , Aiden, a fine young warrior, saw right through it though and used it to his advantage, making his slap land on my cheek and making me frown in disbelief as a result earlier.

Seeing how Clark was looking at me now, made me return to the present moment and I realized that no voice was coming out of my mouth, my eyes full of sadness dropped to the floor because I didn`t want the _Skaiprisa_ to see me like that. I was always good with words, but what could I say to her now? To the girl who fell from the sky and turned my life upside down, to the woman that had invaded my heart and my thoughts with her bravery while escaping the pauna. How could I admit to her that no punishment that she could impose on me was greater than the one I had already imposed on myself? My hearth shouted for her, my thoughts were filled with things I wanted to tell her, share with her, but my rational mind reminded me of my obligation, of my position and of my people. I was _Heda_ first, but for a while Clark had inspired me to live and not just to fight for survival, so now was my turn to do the same for her. Before I could even think of forming a coherent thought in my head, I felt strong arms engulf me, her whole body was shaking desperately and her head was buried in my neck, opposite of where the freshly drawn ruby blood was staining my skin. I could hear her sharp inhales and feel the burning hot liquid that was spilling from her eyes. I never knew that tears could burn that much. The world around us had disappeared, my full attention was placed upon the woman that was currently in my arms. She didn`t say anything, she just cried and cried until exhaustion overcame her and she felt asleep in my arms. I moved her gently to her bed and laid her down to be more comfortable, but when I tried to separate myself from her hug, she only tightened the grip.

Stay… _beja_ …

That was the only thig she said to me that night, we both laid together in the comfort of her soft furs, holding each other and reveling at the amenity we received from one another. Her raspy voice was something I had dreamed of so many nights and hearing her speaking my language, made my hearth burn even more than before. We had so many things that we had to tell each other, but not that night. We were both torn between two worlds, each of us had so many responsibilities, so many obligations, but at the end of the day, there was no _Heda_ without Lexa and no _Wanheda_ without Clark and now we both knew that, knew it and respected it, because every action has its consequence and no ordinary girl would have been able to bear it all.

But then again, we were no ordinary girls, yes we had to fight and yes we had to lead, but we also had to live – and now, finally, was our chance to do that – to live.


	2. Chapter 2 - Finding her

_A.N: Okay, so this is the chapter where the impossible, the improbable and the absurd blend together and stuff happen. We find the new team member and we`ll see what choice will Lexa make and if she really is as heartless as some people see her as._

Three weeks had passed since the incident where I could feel a cold blade pressed forcefully against my skin, grazing gently the exact spot in the middle of my neck where my carotid artery pulsed with the rapid, constant beat of my hearth. I could still remember the shaking and unsure hands that held it there. We were currently on a recon mission, observing the situation around the borders with Azgeda after two attempts on my life were made. I tried reasoning with Clark that it was better for her to stay in Polis, but she wouldn`t hear a word of it, insisting that as the newest member of the coalition she had the right to see and learn about the land that the coalition represented. Indra was staying in Polis, guarding the forth there with the help of Titus and Octavia who of course was side by side with Lincoln, a man, a friend, that had turned from a loyal warrior to in love traitor to a man true to his heart and his love. Octavia seemed even more trikru than Lincoln at times and after I was reminded of his bravery again when he prevented one of the two assassinations attempt towards me, I lifted his banishment.

So anyway, here we were now, going into our second week in the wilderness and after losing our guards to an unexpected ambush, we were headed towards the most northern point of our borders, looking at how the Azgeda was progressing slowly with its army and spying on their plan. The Ice Queen had retired from Polis to this very point and now it was our mission to oversee her moves and decide a strategy. The first part of our plan was a task for the centuries, but since Roan had bought some of the guards in Polis, I took it upon myself to gather this information. Corruption had found its way amongst my people and I needed someone on whom I could count irrevocably and who better than Indra?

\- Wait Clark, do you hear that? – I asked suddenly stopping in my trails, snapping out of my thoughts, puzzled by the sound I my ears had detected.

\- I swear to God Lexa, if you make me run aimlessly again because you imagined someone walking behind us, I prefer to let that thing eat me. – The blond in front of me pouted like a petulant child.

It was true that I had made her run for a few miles across the forest a couple of days ago, because I thought that we were being watched and it is also true that even thought she had survived 3 months on her own, being in the wilderness was not Clark`s thing. Even though she would never admit it with words, I could feel the change in her attitude while in Polis. Her eyes had softened, her serious expression had been replaced by an occasional smile and her gaze lingered on my lips, on my chest, on all of me for a moment longer than socially acceptable during our dinners. However, now I decided to ignore the hopeless whine in her voice when I heard that strange noise again. It sounded like a little agonizing animal, it made me shiver as I turned to Clark that was just a few feet behind me.

\- We have to see what that noise is exactly, we cannot afford to blow our cover now, being so close to Azgeda territory.

\- Fine, let`s go and see, but after that we build a fire and rest. We`ve been walking around all day and I can`t even feel my legs anymore.

\- I think Polis might have spoiled you _Skaiprisa_. – I said smiling lightly, deliberately using her _title_ again. She only smirked back at me and rolled her eyes answering with a smug on her face:

\- Go float yourself, _Heda_.

The close proximity between us these last few weeks, made us rediscover our connection again, we were both leaders, strong and independent. Each of us had committed her own mistakes and no judgment could be made from the other. The world was harsh enough, we were trying to find comfort in every moment we could, no matter how long it lasted. The bickering that characterized our conversations at first dissolved into flirting and now at times it was directly teasing and daring. Daring one another to see who`d be the first to cross the invisible barrier between us, the first one to take the other`s hand, the first one to linger her fingers just a moment longer on the other`s skin, the first one to unconsciously lick her lips and look in the eyes of the other and appreciating moment, the closeness once again. Each night was an unspoken treaty that made us forget the betrayals, the scars, the wars, the problems, the mistakes, the regrets we each had… and after that, each morning was filled with appreciative looks, nods, grins and of course they were just as mute as the nightly truce between us.

The trust between us however is something that neither dares to discuss, I know she doesn`t trust me with her heart and for a moment the possibility of it never happening (again) made my hearth stop beating. Of course, we trusted each other with our lives, but then again what was a life of simple surviving? We knew what there was between us, we didn`t have to talk about it, we knew it would be awkward from the first night I heard her shouting from her nightmares and held her while she wept in my arms again.

 _Flashback_

 _ _\- I hate you Lexa, I hate you…- her words echoed in my memory, remembering her raspy, sleepy voice.__

 _My body had stiffened instantaneously with the sound of those words, a sharp cutting pain pierced my heart with every word that left her lips, but she seemed to feel my distress and only pulled me closer to her, before continuing._

 _ _\- I hate you so much, but I cannot imagine a world without you, I`d hate it even more. I cannot imagine someone hurting you and just the idea of it makes me sick. You cannot leave alone to deal with all this again.__

 _Tears were falling from both out eyes and even though I tried, it was impossible to pull her closer to me. I was always better with actions than words, but Clark needed the words just as much as my actions now._

 _ _\- I am sorry Clark, I can tell you this a hundred more times, but it won`t ease your anger with me or with yourself. Time heals, just let it and in the meantime let me show you that I will honor my earlier vow to you. I would never, ever betray you again. Our people are one now as we must be too.__

I vowed to never betray her again, I kneeled in front of her and looked her in the eyes, and vowed to protect her and because of that oath, now I started walking determinant towards the direction from where the strange noise was coming. Running between the high grass that was spread between a patch of treeless land we found the source of the noises and my eyes widened in disbelieve.

\- Oh, It`s a baby. – said Clark who looked just as shocked as me at the half-draped-in-a-blanket infant that had a small pink ribbon on her wrist and was silent for a moment, as if looking directly at them.

\- But how did it end up here? There are no villages for at least a couple of days away from here. – I was puzzled and began thinking the possible answers.

\- What do you think we should do with it? – I asked her even though I already had a feeling I knew the answer.

\- Her. – she corrected me fast.

\- All the same.

\- You know just as well as I do that we can`t leave _her_ here.

\- Those are Azgeda marks on her wrist and blanket Clark. We can`t just go around with it either! Not to mention that there is no way the Ice Queen`s army won`t notice us with her constant whining. It needs someone to take care of it and we are definitely not that someone. – I said looking around us to see if the loud noises had attracted more people.

\- I don`t give a fuck if her markings are azgeda, trikru or skaikru or whatever else kru there is in _your_ coalition, she is neither. She is just an abandoned infant that will die if we don`t do something about it. She is on your territory now _Heda_ , would you really leave her here alone?

Of course not, but it made absolutely no sense to take that little thing with us, we were barely keeping ourselves alive and well and we had already lost our guards, we were going behind schedule and soon Indra would have sent Octavia and Lincoln to find us and I tried to explain that to her. However, all my words were wasted on the wind because when I looked back I saw Clark holding the little thing on the ground and playing with her, making her giggle and caressing softly her belly. It wasn`t crying anymore, finally silence again. Clark`s attention was completely dedicated to the big brown eyes that were watching up to her. Seeing her so relaxed and even happy made my heart sunk with pain from past actions and decisions, but as soon as the thought came it went away. We agreed to a new start, forgive, but don`t forget and now we had more important mission to think about than to dwell and sulk on something that cannot be changed.

\- You did not hear a word I was saying. – I said more as a statement than a question, of course she did not.

\- I`m busy keeping her entertained _Heda_ , or you`d prefer her to start crying again? – she said smirking.

\- Mockery… - I didn`t even got the chance to finish with my patronizing tone when she interjected.

\- Yeah, yeah. I remember. What do you recommend then? Leave her here? – she asked sarcastically.

I was wondering what our options were and my silence confused her further, I could see her eyebrow arching and knew what she was thinking that I was thinking. This silent chess battle between us had gotten us into many unnecessary arguments.

\- I am not saying to just leave it here Clark, I am thinking about our options, there are no more trading posts from here to Azgeda territory and we have to go back three days back to find the nearest one and leave it there.

\- Lexa, I swear if you don`t start calling her " _her",_ I`ll slap you so hard that you`ll see the stars. – knowing how true Clark is to her words I just decided to back down and let her have her way, that happens a lot with the Skaiprisa, she doesn`t like following my rules, but truth be told, I wouldn`t have it any other way.

\- We can call her…

\- No Clark, we are not _calling_ _her_ anything. – I said seriously, it was bad enough that she would have to come with us.

I saw how the blonde looked at me when I told her that the little one would be coming with us, she couldn`t stop the big smile that appeared on her face and my hearth suddenly filled with happiness at this sight.

\- We are not giving her name though, this honor is only bestowed upon her parents, or in this case, the people that decide to look after her. So, no naming it her. We take her with us and once we reach the Azgeda camp we will leave her on the road where people from her kru will find her and take care of her. – I retracted rapidly my words.

\- Give her back to the kru that abandoned her?

\- It is forbidden for my people to just abandon their offspring, it is a very serious offence and nobody dares committing it, so I believe maybe her abandonment was due to some external factors that surpassed the parents` right to take care of her. She will be safe with her kru, Azgeda may be ruthless and vicious, even down right savaged some times, but I do not believe that they are capable of killing an infant of their own.

A few hours later, Clark was content and the baby was asleep once again and silence filled my ears, giving me a moment to organize my thoughts and start moving around to make us a camp.

\- Let me help at least with the twigs for the fire. – She offered and began placing down the baby, who the moment that felt the hard ground began screaming and crying again.

\- Don`t! - I wanted to rapidly stop her, but it was already too late, the baby was crying even louder than before and Clark wasted no time in lifting her up again and began rocking her gently.

\- I don`t think she agreed with the plan of you helping me, so let`s just make sure she has something to eat when she wakes up, we have no idea since when she has not eaten. I can hunt us some rabbits if we`re lucky and she hasn`t spooked them already.

\- She can`t eat that Lex.

\- Clark, I honestly have no idea how to tend to this baby. – I said with an exhausted voice, imagining what was ahead of us, we had no time for this.

\- I`m not that great in the parenting department either, but I used to look after some of the youngsters on the Ark. Let me go find us some berries and fruits and we`ll just make her a paste or something from them, until we figure something better.

And that was how the rest of our afternoon went, with me making sure we had enough logs to pass the night and hunting something to eat, while Clark tended to the baby not letting her on the ground for a single second, they definitely didn`t want a repeat of her previous extremely loud performance. Once everything was done and they were comfortably settled for the night Clark approached me and sat down on our furs. Ever since we started travelling up north and the temperatures were dropping gradually we agreed to place our furs together instead of on the opposite sides of the fire. There was never an explicit answer or permission from neither to do that, it just happened every night and neither commented on it.

\- Lex, I need you to take her for a while.

\- No. I don`t do babies Clark. We agreed that she is yours to look after.

I saw how the blonde rolled her eyes at me and looked me directly in my eyes.

\- I need to pee Lexa! So if you don`t want to attract any unnecessary attention you will extend your arms and fucking hold her for a moment! She doesn`t bite, look, I still have my head and my arms and my legs.

She handed me the baby the moment I extended my arms and bolted towards the bushes. My arms were completely stretched, the light weight from the baby`s body was something foreign to me, being used with the weight of my sword, but not with something so… small and fragile. While Clark was gone, I could see her big brown eyes looking around her and suddenly she burped.

\- Just do not throw up on me you little bug. – I said serious, but very gently and she smiled broadly. Funny her smile was so much like Clark`s and as if on a reflex it made me smile almost unnoticeably too.

And speaking of the Skaiprisa, she emerged from the shadows again, walking toward us and taking the baby from my still firmly stretched arms.

\- You are either too stubborn or too clueless, but you do look adorable when you try to command a six-months old baby.

\- There is a reason for me be the Commander, Clark. – I said and rolled my eyes at her for using the term " _adorable_ " to describe me of all people.

The baby began protesting again once Clark had put her on her back to her and her face to the fire and the blonde lifted her up quickly.

\- Maybe it is too close for her. – Clark said.

\- If we move further away, we will be the ones to freeze. Hold on, I think I have an idea.

After a hearth beat of silence, I began scoffing back, almost reaching the limit of my bed roll and made a little more space between me and Clark, just enough for our newest team member to fit in and saw how incredulous the Skaiprisa was looking at me.

\- She is feeling the fire too close and because of the heat and constant light she cannot fall asleep. Being in the middle will provide her heat and comfortable darkness, proving her with better rest for the night and hopefully a better mood for the journey tomorrow. – I felt the need to explain myself even though Clark`s eyes were shining bright.

Of course, I`m sure that Clark had thought about that option before, but thinking it would be too intrusive for me, she just decided to figure out some other solution, but it turned out that the moment the baby was placed comfortably between us – she kicked two times with her little legs and dozed off in the night.

\- She is strong. – said Clark looking down at the little girl.

\- She is, we will have to find her some more food tomorrow, I think she is still hungry.

\- Not a full day with you and she already has your appetite, this journey is going to be interesting. – chuckled Clark and put her hand gently on the little bug`s belly, closing her eyes and soon her breathing evened out.

\- As long as she keeps smiling like you, we will manage. – I whispered softly once I was sure that the two girls in front of me were sleeping and tucked a strand of blond hair behind Clark`s left ear.


	3. Chapter 3 - Tell me why, tell me how

_AN: Dear readers, I have taken more than a few liberties with the characters in this chapter. I should only warn that I made up the story between Costia, Roan and Lexa to give it a little more imagination to this fic, so yeah everything is based solely on my imagination. I tried not to like Roan in the show, but I do like him, so I thought he deserved a good role and somehow the triangle made sense (in my head at least), so don`t get offended. Having said that, the only thing left for me to do is thank you for the comments and likes and wish you to have fun reading this chapter and stay tuned for the next one._

The night was quiet and I was even more comfortable than originally expected to be, when suddenly I could feel strands of my hair being tugged at and pulled. I decided not to react however, I just turned around to face her and a second later a slap landed on my cheek and made me open my eyes pretty fast. Oh, I had forgotten completely about the little bug between us, she was looking at me with her big, deep eyes and a bright smile. The first sunrays were beginning to caress softly the sleepy night sky and I knew that even without the little one between us I`d have woken up pretty soon. Unlike the Prisa, I was used to getting up early, go for a run and train for a few hours. Seems like the little bug is a morning person as well…that would be interesting.

\- Clark…- I said gently nudging her shoulder. She was still in the same position she was when she fell asleep. She looked so innocent and seeing her so vulnerable always made my hearth beat a little faster.

\- Clark, time to wake up, the little bug is already awake and I have absolutely no idea nor desire to deal with it.

\- Mmm…Her! – was just the grumble response I could get from the Skaiprisa.

\- Fine, _her._ You still have to get up though. – I tried once again, being well aware of how hard it was for Clark to wake up this early.

\- Five more minutes…

She didn`t even manage to finish her sentence before she pulled the furs further into her and drifted off again.

Great, now I had to deal with that little thing too and she was beginning to reach for my arms. Seeing her so little though, I was afraid that I might grip her a little too tight and hurt her, so I offered her my hand instead and she gasped it firmly, forcing her little body to sit up on the furs. She truly is strong, perhaps once we were done with our mission we could leave her for a while with Octavia and Lincoln, they are much more prepared than me or Clark to take care of her. Lincoln always liked kids, even before the skaikru arrived to earth he would take special precautions when training with the little ones and Octavia, well she was a natural, if judging by the way she played with the kids from the streets was anything to go by. Whenever she wasn`t on duty as my personal guard she could be seen either playing some old world game of seek and hide with the kids or reading to them and they seemed to always watch her with adoration. Well that seemed as a good plan, but at the current moment I still had to deal with the little bug that was beginning to get grumpy from being still in one place, so I had to find a way to keep her mobile and train myself – how hard could that be right?

\- Okay you little bug, come here. – I said to her and lifted her up with all the gentleness I could muster. I brought her to my chest and her head rested for a while on my shoulder. She was so small and delicate, but she was also strong and agile, she would make a fine warrior someday.

With the little one tucked carefully in my embrace, I started making my way through the trees and to the nearby pond. I had to skip my morning jog routine, but that didn't mean I couldn`t exercise at all, I remember how the women from my kru had invented something that looked like a big "pouch" made from old rags and somehow used it to secure the babies on their back or front and that gave me the perfect idea. I looked around for a while and found exactly what I was looking for. After a good hour of binding and intertwining green twigs and vines together I managed to make something that resembled a big pouch with two holes on the left and right lower corners. The green twigs are very easily bound, but very hard to break because of their elasticity. Now that the "pouch" was done, all I had to do was find the perfect tree with big, strong branches in order to attach the pouch to it and begin with my training. We were surrounded by the river from one side, a small clearing and the forest on the other, so finding the perfect tree wasn`t that hard. I took a few more green twigs and vines and intertwined them as a rope, it wasn`t very sophisticated, but it would do the job. I threw the improvised rope around the branch and it was the perfect length – that made me smirk with satisfaction from my work, it was not too short for it to be dangerous for the little bug is she would fall, but also not too short for it to be able to swing properly and keep the little one happy. The moment I placed her inside the twig pouch and pushed her lightly she started giggling again. She was a funny little thing, she was smiling so much and that made me wonder again about the people that had left her behind and their motives to do so. After a moment of being lost in my own thoughts, I backed away a few steps from the baby and took out my sword. I swung rapidly and mercilessly in the air and the sound from my blade made the little bug turn her head toward me, but there was something strange now, her eyes seemed lost. She seemed disorientated, but she kept still in her pouch, so I continued with my exercises, making a silent note to discuss this with the Skaiprisa once she has decided to grace us with her presence. And what a magnificent presence it was.

The sun had come up completely and was now shining brightly upon us, making our surroundings seem even more beautiful than before, lush green grass decorated the area of the river banks, bushes with berries were hiding between the forest trees, even the birds around us sang a quiet symphony. I noticed that my belly was grumbling quite loudly and remembered that we still had to eat breakfast, so with one final look to the now sleeping little bug, I headed towards the river. Laying gently my clothes on the river shore, I was halfway in when I heard her crying and ran out rapidly to where she was, from the rush of the moment I only had time to grab my sword though. When I got there I looked around and saw nothing and nobody so I relaxed a little and took the little bug in my arms making sure she was ok, until a raspy voice interrupted my thoughts.

\- Not that I mind you showing off your splendid figure _Heda_ , but I think you should select a more… grown up and appreciative audience next time. – the sassy voice was just an octave lower at my title and a burning sensation passed through the pit of my stomach and I knew that it wasn`t just from the hunger for breakfast when I saw Clark coming from behind the bushes.

I could feel my ears burning and my cheeks slowly reddening, but I refused to show my intimidated self, besides I was still wondering at all the possibilities that included the word "appreciative" in her previous sentence.

\- And you should know better than to try and sneak up on me Prisa.

Just before I got the chance to finish my sentence I was interrupted… yet again, because on awful smell made me wrinkle my nose and turn my head away from the baby in my hands. Clark only laughed harder at my expression and moved towards us.

\- I think you should take her now Clark. – I said while trying desperately not to breathe through my nose. Even though I had expressed a suggestion, it was obvious for the two of us that it had sounded more like a desperate order.

\- Sometimes I wonder who is the baby here. She just needs to be changed. – The blonde said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and maybe it was, but not in my world. My world was dark and shady and bloody and an innocent baby had no place in it.

\- Perfect, then you know what to do. I already watched after her almost all morning and it is much more than I signed up for.

\- You just made her a swing and let her in it while you were practicing all the time!

\- All the time, huh? Exactly how long _did you_ stand there watching us, _Skaiprisa_? – It seemed to me that she had seen more than just my run out of the water, but I decided not to pressure my luck. Even though we never talked about the wounds between us, they were still there, patched up, but still fresh and I every night my nightmares would confirm it.

\- Fine, go wash yourself and catch us something good to eat. – She said reluctantly, trying to avoid my question.

\- I will. I`m hungry. – And after I handed Clark the little bug, I headed rapidly down to the river again.

\- You always are! – I heard her reply in the distance.

It was good that the water from the river was cold, lately I always needed a cold water shower when I was around Clark and when she was flirting shamelessly with me, that was just mean of her, but I have to admit, I loved every second of it.

When I got back to our camp I was fully dressed again and with two big trout fishes in my hands, already cleaned and ready to roast.

\- Those look yummy. – Clark said sarcastically.

\- I guarantee they`ll taste even better, after being cooked. – I said and saw her bite her tongue in order not to comment on that.

\- Did you change little stinky here? – I asked and put the trout over the fire.

\- Take her and see for yourself. – Clark challenged me and chuckled.

\- I`ll take your word for it.

\- She even ate all of her berries, but with the way she is looking at that fish I think you might have to go back to the river and fish us one more.

\- I`m not sharing with her then. I`m hungry.

\- Oh you are such a grown up Commander. – She said sarcastically and continued.

\- I wonder how we will manage back in Polis with the two of you, she is only going to get bigger and that means that her appetite will increase as well.

I couldn`t help but smile at that comment, she was thinking of us, of going back to Polis, of life in Polis. Yes, perhaps there was hope after all.

\- So you miss it too? – I asked her tentatively, almost afraid of her answer and I could tell that she also felt how the lightness of our previous conversation was now gone and it was shifting into a serious talk.

\- Oddly enough, yeah. But I don`t think Polis changed the way I think about you, it just changed me. Before you made Roan take me to Polis, I was lost. I felt confused, betrayed, alone. – Her words brought up tears to my eyes, because I knew that I was the only person responsible for those feelings she had felt.

I could say a hundred times over that I had no choice, and it may even be the truth, but it never made it easier. I wanted to make her smile, make her feel safe and give her a place where she belonged, instead I had become a key figure in her nightmares. Part of me will never forgive myself, but the other part knows that it was a sacrifice necessary for my people, _I laik Heda_ , I kept repeating myself that.

\- I was bitter and I wanted vengeance, not for you leaving me to face the mountain on my own, but for you mending my hearth after the whole Finn thing and then shattering it again, only this time to an even smaller pieces. – Clark continued and her bittersweet voice almost made me crack and spill all the tears I had in my glassy green eyes.

The memory was still fresh in our minds and the pain still hit us hard. I could never look into her eyes in the few occasions we talked about that and now was no exception, I kept looking down and played absentmindedly with some grass, trying to keep my hands busy.

\- After seeing you with the nightbloods and how you trained them, not only on the training grounds, but in your room as well. Teaching them honor and compassion and not only sword fighting, after seeing how the people on the streets looked at you, with respect and love and adoration. After seeing what you do for your people and most importantly after seeing you fight Roan, I realized that life was too short to try to convince myself that I hated you. I was hurt, in some ways, I still am, I am not healed yet, but I could never hate you or want you dead. I am incapable of thinking with my head instead of my hearth when it comes to you Lexa. – Clark tucked gently a strand of wet hair behind my ear and lifted my chin up for me to face her.

\- I am done wasting time, not knowing how long we have. Trust is a precious and fragile commodity, but when you bowed before me, I knew that given the choice I would trust you with my life again. _Wanheda_ did bow before _Heda_ , and for her people she`d do it again, but I could see it in your eyes that it was Lexa who bowed to Clark that night and knowing that I have no doubt that you will protect not only our people, but also the two of us, as one. And now... we even have a life of our own to protect. – She said looking down to the little bug that was asleep between us, but she didn`t move an inch from her seat.

\- I trust you with something far more precious than my life Clark, I trust you with my hearth and I know Roan will not move against the coalition, but his mother is still a big problem for us and more importantly for me. – I couldn`t trust my voice to speak to much, so I decided to keep my sentence short and to the point, images of Costia were already coming up in my head again.

\- What is the deal with you and Roan? He is Azgeda and yet you let him roam free through your city, you let him practice before your combat, you even sent him from all your warriors to protect me, Wanheda, the person who everybody was searching for with the only desire to kill me and take my power.

\- It is along story Prisa, one that is not easy to recall, but you should know that I know prince Roan from when we were just seconds, before I became Heda, before the war between Azgeda and Trikru. Queen Nia was always jealous of me, because I was a nightblood, she was grooming Roan for my position since he was born and as a prince he had the privilege of studying in Polis, the only thing he lacked was the color of my blood. When we were children we even fought together while training. He knew Costia too, we used to go swimming together. But when it became clear to the Ice Queen that I was Heda, she ordered Roan back to Azgeda and she never let us see him again, until she exiled him for loving someone she didn`t approve of. Roan is a strong warrior, but his upbringing made him ruthless at times. And before you ask, no we are not friends, but we are not enemies either, at least not like me and Queen Nia.

\- But if he knew Costia, why did he let his mother do what she did to her? He could`ve helped her somehow, I`m sure nobody would have disregarded the orders of the prince.

\- And what makes you think he did not try Clark? – I said to her and looked her with tired eyes, it was the first time in a very long time I let myself talk about that. But she had to know.

\- When he found out that Queen Nia had captured Costia, he went to beg for her life, he even challenged his mother for it. That is why he got exiled from his own kru. The Queen saw his sentiment as weakness and she wouldn`t have it.

I watched as realization slowly hit Clark and she only nodded in understanding, giving me a silent nudge to go on with my story and after a heartbeat of silence, I found my voice again, low and fragile, but decided to finish the story.

\- Yes, Clark, Roan cared for Costia deeply. He always respected her choice to be with me, but our friendship fell apart because of this. Roan loved Costia almost as much as I did. I received her head, but he saw her execution, I could not wish such a horrible faith even to my worst enemy. He managed to kill her executioner, but the main honor remained mine. _Jus drein jus daun._ It is much more than simple words Clark and the Ice Queen knows it too.

 _TBC..._


	4. Chapter 4 - Singing in the Rain

_A.N. Okay gyus, here you have the new chapter. A few things I have to confess, not all the ideas that you`ll read here are mine, you`ll probably recognize most of them from other places so I admit I just borrowed them, because it felt right to use them in some parts. Once again, thank you so much for your comments, likes and support for my writing, you make me smile every time I write. I hope you enjoy this new chapter and stay tuned for more!_

On the following morning I woke up to the strange wet sensation of drops splashing on my face, it was still early and the sun wasn`t completely in the sky, but it was enough for me to see the angry black clouds that were approaching us fast from the north. The air was crispier this morning, I looked around to check our surroundings and then I looked over to the two girls that were still sleeping soundly beside me. However, the moment I stirred a little, the little bug in the middle shot her eyes open and it amused me how little she was and yet she was such a light sleeper, unlike the _Skaiprisa_ that had no problem sleeping thought a fight. The shimmering ambers from the fire that warmed us during the night had been reduced to nothing and the warmth was long since gone, just the tinkering sensation of it was left behind, transformed into ash. Another drop of water made me stop my musings and concentrate on getting the two girls somewhere safe and dry.

\- Rise and shine _skaiprisa_. – I shook her arm gently and nudged her with one finger, showing her that she really needed to get up.

\- Making me get up so early should constitutes as torture you know? – she grumbled somehow barely understandable.

\- Then add to that list making me invent stories for a baby just by looking at the clouds too.

\- It`s not my fault you have so little imagination _Heda._ – said Clark while stretching out lazily.

\- Oh believe me, I do not suffer from lack of imagination… - I said and looked at her, but before I could continue, her white undershirt had caught my attention.

More importantly, the way it had twisted over the night and now reveled a great portion of Clark`s shoulder and chest, leaving just enough to the imagination as if on purpose. I could feel my cheeks beginning to redden and by the almost imperceptible smug that was forming on the blonde`s face I knew that she was ready to comment on my sudden loss of words, but I didn`t give her the chance.

\- Clark, we need to find a shelter, there is a storm approaching. – And just as I said it, another drop of rain splashed on the little bug`s face and she pouted in objection to the cold sensation.

\- No kidding Sherlock. – She said sarcastically, but after noticing my quizzical expression when she said that strange name, she just waved it off and gestured for me to continue. Maybe I had missed something obvious from that statement, but I couldn`t remember reading anything from that Sherlock author.

\- Why don`t we just go sit under a tree and wait it out, we are in a forest after all and the crowns of those trees over there look pretty thick.

I couldn`t contain my laugher at that statement. Only a sky person would think they could hide under a tree during a storm and actually believe it to be a good idea. Clark looked at me frustrated and I as much as I wanted to see her get even more worked up, I didn`t think that the little one would be too thrilled at the thought of getting soaked while we bickered with one another.

\- Hiding under a tree during a storm is like holding a spear in your hands and pointing it to the skies in the middle of an empty field. You`ll attract every lightning and I am not particularly keen of the idea of getting electrocuted, besides my hair is frizzled enough without the added electric stimulant.

\- Oh… I see.

\- There is a chain of little caves nearby, we should get there quickly. – I said gesturing to the two girls and the direction of the caves.

Clark got up and quickly tied up her shoes and moved to gather the stuff from our camp.

\- We don`t have so much time Clark, the storm is approaching rapidly.

\- We can`t leave out supplies out here Lexa, they`ll get wet and they won`t be any good to us after that, you know that.

\- Yes, I know that Clark. That is why you`ll get the little bug with you and go to the caves, and I`ll gather the stuff and join you after that.

She looked at me suddenly alarmed, yes we had to separate for the first time since we started our journey. I knew that I didn`t like the idea, but I couldn`t risk them getting cold out here and fall ill, especially not the little bug that I was getting more and more attached to with every day that passed, but of course I couldn`t admit it. I saw the piercing look in Clark`s eyes, she was surprised mostly, but there was also a spark of fear and uncertainty and I couldn`t help but think about the reason why those feelings were there. Of course they would be, maybe they`d always be there, but I refused to give in to that horrible thought, so I just moved towards Clark and closed the distance between us, cupping her face with my hands and making her look straight into my eyes.

\- I will come for you Clark, I know you still doubt me, but please try to keep in mind my vow for you. Go now, I will find you later. – She still looked unconvinced though.

\- I promise – It was almost a whisper, but I desperately needed her to understand the power of the feelings behind my words, so I grabbed the gun she was wearing securely attached to her hips and gently took one of her hands.

\- If something happens and I don`t come for you, assume the worst. You know how to use it. – I said placing upside-down the gun in her hand, trapping her middle finger in the whole that secured the trigger of the weapon. My own hands were shaking for the first time because of my current actions, I couldn`t bear the thought of rejection, so I acted before I lose my courage.

She seemed to understand what I was saying to her, because her eyes weren`t shining with fear anymore, at least not so much as before, she was stunned and speechless, so I assumed my gesture was perceived the right way and I was glad to see that change in her deep blue sapphire eyes, now she just looked at me an awe and with a shy smile on her lips.

\- Okay Commander, tell me how do we find this cave? – She asked, pulling us out of the moment we shared.

\- Just continue walking east, you should see the entrance of the caves ahead of you. Most of them are small, but I know for sure there is one quite big and if I`m not mistaken the little hot water pond inside it is pretty tempting to be close to, especially with this freezing rain.

\- And you know this because…? – Clark`s left eye brow lifted up accompanying the interrogative look she was giving me and suddenly I felt as if I was in trouble even though I had done nothing wrong.

\- I was young once too, Clark. – I could see her sadden a little with understanding and before she averted her eyes from me, I elaborated.

\- When Anya trained me and I would get frustrated at how she initially had no problem mopping the floor with me, I used to come here for a few days. I like the North. – And this time not one, but various drops of water fell from the sky that was now covered with angry black clouds.

\- Time to go _Skaiprisa_.

\- I`ll be waiting for you… Heda.

And with that I saw how the blonde turned around and gathered the little bug in her arms, heading east to the caves, without looking back to me. I was sure she didn`t hear the "I`ll always come back to you" that left my lips. But I knew I didn`t have time to waste, small, but persistent drops were already falling from the clouds, it wouldn`t be long before the storm settles down on me.

After a while I had just managed to get all the furs and weapons under the trees, away from the water that was falling hard from the sky. I could feel my armor becoming heavier and my red sash was already brown because of the mud that was surrounding me. When finally, all the things from our camp were gathered in our backpacks it was time for me to find my two girls. I started heading east and I didn`t have to wait long to see the entrance of the cave I was telling Clark about earlier. I ran rapidly to the entrance and before I got the chance to announce myself while approaching the inside of the cave where the small pond was located, I heard Clark`s voice. Raspy and slow, but just like always, gentle. She was singing. I realized, I had never heard her sing before, her voice was some strange mix between a soft purr and warmhearted lull.

 _Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are…_

Suddenly, I was feeling more overwhelmed than before and I think I fell in love with her even more than before, if that was possible.

 _Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky…_

The skaiprisa was tender and yet she was hugging the little bug so protectively that I felt bad for intruding on such an intimate moment and ruin the magic of the lullaby, so I just sat down the bags I had brought with me and waited for the blonde girl to finish the song. Just as she hushed the last verse of the song, she was still looking to the sleeping baby when she spoke with firmer voice, addressing me.

\- Do you plan on standing there and catching pneumonia or you`ll come to us where the chilly air isn`t so noticeable and change from those drenched clothes?

\- I… I was just… - I found myself at a loss of words and I could feel my feet moving on their own accord towards the skiaprisa and the sleeping little girl in her arms.

I was standing no more than two feet away from them when I could barely contain my shaking anymore, being wet while running around wasn`t so bad, but being soaked and stay at one place was a nightmare, even my bones were feeling wet.

\- Let me help you. – Offered gently Clark and I couldn`t tear myself away even if I wanted. My mind was blank, no thoughts, no moral judgments, no self-imposed barriers, just feelings. Warm and bittersweet familiarity of a kind. I was incapable of forming a coherent sentence, so I just stopped trying and began undressing, saving the little dignity I had left in me.

\- I have to give it to you Lexa. You look amazing in leather, but it isn`t very comfortable to get out of when you`re all wet.

I felt Clark tugging at my clothes, trying to pull them off me, but alas it was not an easy task. After a short energetic struggle with my clothing I was standing with my back towards Clark and with my shirt and binding placed gently on top of the near stones. My wet hair was the only thing that covered my back and before I had the chance to pull my pants down, I felt the hotness of Clark`s presence. Her front was almost touching me; I could feel the warm small hand of the little bug that was snuggling comfortably in the prisa`s hands and a heartbeat later… I could feel Clark pressing gently behind me.

\- Thank you for coming back Lexa. – Her voice was cracking with emotion and I was incapable of facing her. I didn`t want to ruin the moment, so I just opted to look at the ground and answer.

\- I vowed I would never betray you again Clark and my fight will end before anything makes me break my vow.

Just as I pronounced the last letter of my sentence I felt hot lips press softly against my exposed shoulder, I felt Clark pulling me closer to her and resting one of her arms on my stomach. The baby girl between us didn`t even mutter a sound, she just yawned contently in her dreams and that moment froze in time. Me, Clark and the little bug, there was something strangely intimate and comforting in this moment, with these people around me. We were on the brink of another war, but right now, there was nothing further away from our minds. All three of us reveled in the created sensation of shared closeness and enjoyed the heat of our bodies and if it wasn`t for the violent cracking sound of two thunders that hit very near to us, causing some trees to fall and the little girl between us to jump awake and start crying with all of her lung power, our perfect moment was over too soon.

I regained the capacity of conscious thinking again and I made a few steps forward to lay my pants where my shirt and binding were and I practically run to the hot water from the pond. My skin was still ice cold and the hot water made me feel as if hundreds of tiny needles penetrated my skin, it was a bittersweet feeling, being engulfed by warm water after spending so much time soaked to the bones.

I spent what seemed like an eternity in the little pond and only decided to go out when my skin was wrinkling and when I saw Clark spreading our furs on the ground and looking for some food from the bags. We couldn`t move out of the cave until the rain had stopped so we might as well enjoy the possibility of an improvised mini vacation.

\- That song you were singing before, about the star, did your mother thought you that? – I asked pushing my wet hair over my right shoulder, leaving my left side exposed.

\- It was my dad actually. I can`t remember all of it though, I skipped some of the middle verses. – She elaborated shyly.

\- Never the less, it was beautiful… and suiting for a Skaiprisa. – I said with a smile on my face.

Her title did her justice; she was the sole personification of a star. Strong and yet gentle, with shining blonde hair and incredible smile, highlighting the small dimples that grace her face every time she smiles. We spent the whole afternoon talking about her days in space and mine on the ground, we talked about our friends, our dreams and even our fears. We spent the day just enjoying being close to one another, but now that I had felt her lips on me I couldn`t stop my mind from drifting every once in a while and wondering about how it would feel to have her kissing me again. That was something I definitely intended on finding out once we had returned to Polis. We still needed to figure out who would take care of the little bug that accompanied us and talking about her, she was currently trying to stand on her own without falling on her butt. The strange thing was that even though she`d fall down every time she stood up she would laugh and would stand up again. _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim_ _._ I couldn`t help but think again that she was going to be an excellent warrior someday, but that gentle look in her eyes and the way she smiled and touched Clark`s face with both of her tiny hands, made me think of how much she looked like the Skaiprisa. The hair on the top of her head was a very light brown, but when the sun caressed her it looked only a few shades darker than Clark`s. After the struggle the little one had with herself, she was pretty tired when we settled for the night. We were in our usual position. Clark on the left, I was on the right and the baby girl was between us, Clark was sitting up, rocking gently the baby in her arms, the little bug that was almost asleep, but she couldn`t quite fall asleep yet and we knew that tomorrow she`d be impossible if she didn`t get a good sleep now. She might have been a morning person, but she needed her beauty sleep at night, she had already proven to be capable of crying and whinnying for long periods of times if her nap was disturbed.

\- Clark please make her go to sleep already! – I pouted.

\- What do you think that I`ve been trying to do for the past hour Lexa? My hands are going numb from rocking her all the time, she is becoming heavy you know. She was jumping all afternoon; she should be asleep already.

I thought for a second and Clark was right, but the energy that ran through the little bug seemed endless, there was just one possible solution left.

\- Sing. – I said nonchalantly, looking at Clark with almost begging eyes.

\- What? Oh yeah, right.

And a second later, the older blond was humming the song from earlier, I could see that the melody was working, but just to be safe I stood up on our furs and took the little girl in my arms and started swaying her gently, humming the newly memorized melody to her. It was the first time I had hold her since that morning a few days ago when I made her a twig pouch and let her swing on a tree. By the time I was done humming the lullaby for the second time, the little bug in my arms had fallen soundly asleep and the Skaiprisa was snoring lightly, it was adorable seeing them like that with matching expressions of content in their sleep.

\- You know little bug, you have the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, I vow to you, to try my very best for it to stay there even when you grow up.

\- _Reshop ai trik prisa_. – I put the baby on the furs between us and placed a soft kiss on her temple, and before I could think of the words that escaped my lips, I saw a gentle smile appear on Clark`s face, but her eyes didn`t open, perhaps she wasn`t asleep as deep as I originally though.

The good thing is that she decided not to comment on my words, for now the gestures between us were enough, once safely back in Polis though, I was sure that Clark would not let me be that easily. Both the Skaiprisa and I were facing the little girl that was now asleep peacefully between us and the last thing my mind registered before drifting off was a strong, warm hand, taking mine and intertwining our fingers, placing them in a tender manner over the baby`s small legs.


	5. Chapter5Life is more than just surviving

_A.N. Hello guys! I am sorry for not being able to put up this chapter for so long, but honestly I was disappointed after Lex`s death on the show, I know it may sound lame, but it was just stupid. Anyhow, that said, I hope you like this final (for now) chapter, if you guys like it please comment or like and let me know that you want me to continue scribbling. I am working on continuing the story in Polis and see what happens with the Azgeda`s advancing war campaign. Also I will put some more things from Lexa`s past and we`ll also learn something new and important about Hope. Enjoy!  
P.S. Once again, sorry in advance if there are some grammar errors. _

It became customary for me to wake up facing two of the most beautiful people in the whole world, the _skaiprisa_ that was contently sleeping on the other side of the furs and the little bundle snuggled between us. My nightmares were becoming less and less violent and slowly thoughts of Clarke engulfed my dreams. Just like every morning I was greeted by bright brown eyes and a soft giggle, the rain outside had almost stopped and I decided to take the little bug for some fresh air and give Clarke a few more minutes of undisturbed sleep. I learned the hard way that a cranky Clarke was worse than fighting a _Pauna._ But, just as I made my way to the cave`s entrance, I heard a tiny whimper escape Clarke`s lips. The unexpected noise made me stop immediately and turn towards her, I saw Clarke turning around and whining for a moment before hot tears started coming from her eyes and she muttered something that turned into angry and panicking shouting "No, please… NO… Don`t you dare Lexa!"

My heart shuddered into a million tiny pieces again, she must be dreaming of the mountain once more, with all the intimate moments that we had shared over the course of the past weeks I wanted to believe so desperately that she had begun heeling, but perhaps I had been too foolish to realize how impossible that would be. A wound like that didn`t heal, it only scarred, but the dullest of aches was always there, no matter how much time had passed, no matter how many words of love and devotion were exchanged. "I want you! No, no…" Okay, enough was enough, I know that dreams are something very important for us to cope with the decisions we make, but I couldn`t handle seeing Clarke like that anymore, not even a moment longer. I rushed back to the now twisted furs and let the little bug sit on the ground beside them while I gently squeezed Clarke`s shoulder, but that didn`t seem to help a lot. The girl in front of me was still mumbling stuff and crying hard, her whole body was covered in a sheen of sweat mixed with the endless tears that were falling from her shut eyes. I put my hands on both of her shoulders and shook her more forcefully and finally I saw those once clear and sparkly blue eyes that were now red and puffy open up. It took her a moment to realize where she was and what had happened, nobody talked, the baby was sitting on the ground looking around her, but didn`t make a sound. Before I know what was happening I was knocked out on my butt and felt strong, hot arms engulfing me and hugging me so hard that I almost fainted from the inability to breathe. Strangely enough, I didn`t want the oxygen if that meant those hands around me would leave my body, I couldn`t care less about breathing while I was feeling Clarke`s erratic hearth beat so close to me.

\- It`s okay Clarke, breathe. – I said as calmly as I could, but my vice was laced with worry and I could only return the hug she was giving me, not knowing how to actually calm her.

\- Please Klark, it was just a dream relax. – My hand was painting senseless circles on her back and I whispered softly sweet nothings into her ear, but she was still crying, I could feel her hot tears ran down my neck. After what seemed like an eternity, her breathing finally started to slow down and she had stopped crying, but we were still holding each other impossibly close.

I started to pull away wanting to look at her, tell her again that everything was okay and kiss her worries away. I wanted her to know that I was still there and I wasn`t going anywhere, I needed her to know that she can trust me, I wanted her to feel safe once again with me or maybe even for the first time. But the moment I loosened my grip on her she tightened hers, making me understand that she wasn`t ready to let go, having each other close was everything I ever wanted, but I didn`t want to make her feel uncomfortable either. After all, she still wasn`t ready and I would wait for her for as long as it takes for her to trust me again.

\- Clarke – I whispered softly.

\- Talk to me prisa… please.

A moment later and Clarke was still silent, my mind was running wild with all the possible solutions for this moment, but suddenly I felt her head tilt up a little and she lowered one of her hands from around my neck to the hem of my t-shirt.

\- Come here. – I continued whispering and adjusted our position to a more comfortable one.

I said softly, dragging us to the near rock so that I`d be able to support my back without falling on the ground and making the current situation even more awkward. With my back pressed against the cold stone I felt how Clarke shifted her position and was currently lying between my legs, head pressed softly on my chest and her right hand was still playing with the hem of my shirt. Before I could stop myself I caressed the top of her head and gave her a little kiss. We stayed like that for a while and the baby girl that was only a few steps away from us was still playing quietly with some stones around her.

\- I lost you. – It was the softest of whispers that left Clarke`s lips, but fresh tears streamed down her face. At first I thought I had heard her wrong.

\- I lost you and I couldn`t do anything about it. – I tried hugging her tighter. She hadn`t dreamed of the mountain, the realization struck me like a lightning from a clear sky that made my head spin and my heart pound like crazy.

\- I _lost you_ Lexa. I cannot lose you, not so soon after we just found each other again… not ever.

\- You haven`t lost anything Klark, I am right here, with you. And I`ll stay as long as you need and want me to. – I said softly, renewing my drawings of random patterns up and down her forearm with my right hand. She was crying softly again and I knew that I just had to let it get out of her system.

\- Then stay… stay forever. – her blue eyes were now looking at me for the first time this morning, but her voice was still a raspy whisper and the words.

\- I`m not ready Lex and I don`t think I`ll ever be. – confusion quickly washed over me and I was beginning to panic and think that I had misinterpreted the whole situation. Maybe she was talking to me as her friend not as… well, not as something more, but the blonde in my arms quickly realized my fears when my body tensed suddenly thus betraying my mind and she elaborated quickly.

\- I am not ready to lose you. Not you, nor Heda. You are one and the same, two faces of the same coin, and I know that _Heda_ will define most of your decisions, but she is _Wanheda_ `s problem. You Lexa, are the only one that I trust with my heart. We both made mistakes and we will be paying for them for the rest of our lives, but I want to spend that time by your side. I don`t want to continue fighting this. I can`t continue raging war on two fronts. – hearing those words made a single tear slip from my eyes and I had to remind myself how to breathe again. Having Clarke so closely pressed to me and knowing what she was feeling at this very moment made me think again of how lucky I actually was.

\- I am yours Klark, never doubt that. I will always be yours. – I was always preferred actions than words and she seemed to understand it when she said:

\- You are mine as I am yours. – and then looked from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes, not asking for permission, but instead announcing a decision.

And that was it, that was the last thing that left her lips before I lifted her chin with my fingers and kissed her softly. A kiss as gentle as the rain that was falling quietly from the sky again. Soon hands began to roam and explore, we only parted for a moment to catch our breath and I could feel her soft palms mapping out my body like it was a sculpture she wanted to memorize. I lost all track of time and only became aware of our surroundings when the little bug beside us began crying loudly once again.

\- I would love to stay here like that with you ai prisa, but I think that this little one is going to turn me permanently deaf if we don`t see what she wants.

\- She must be hungry. I`ll see what I can get her from the bags…

\- No! – I said too quickly to be considered polite and put a hand on Clarke`s waist, not letting her move.

\- I can take care of her, you can go for a swim and relax a little more. I don`t want to see the dried tears on your beautiful face, I can`t handle seeing you like that more than I have to.

And just like that the biggest smile I had ever seen appeared on the Skaiprisa`s face and she gave me a slight nod with her head, but before she pulled away completely from me she asked again.

\- Are you sure you know what to do with her? – and gestured to the baby with her head.

\- I have been watching you these days you know. I am more than capable of taking care of that little bug for a while.

\- As you wish _Heda_ , but remember to change her first.

Change her? I did not think about that. Oh well, if I could unify the 12 clans and prevent a war with the 13th I could certainly change a baby…or at least that`s what I thought. Our morning went on like always, only this time I took some berries from the bags we had gathered earlier and after my third attempt at changing the baby I finally managed to wrap her up somehow and take her outside where now the sun was shining from between the clouds. She was a very curious little one and I decided to let her explore the world on her own. I took her by the hands and let her stand on her own, the muddy soil was dirtying her small feet but she giggled, she made a few small steps swaying all the time, but I didn`t let her fall. With each little step she was getting more and more confident, but soon she had mud all over her tiny legs. We were on a clearing near the cave that was filled with flowers of different colors and the little bug alternated between half-walking, half- wobbling around the field and picking flowers when she felt like it. I felt eyes looking at us and I knew that Clarke was standing right behind… and I was right. Dressed in new clothes and a damp hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, the Skaiprisa was watching us from afar. I let the girl I previously held by the arms to crawl around on her own and went up to Clarke`s left side.

\- Clarke, I was thinking… - but before I had the chance to finish she interrupted. No wonder we had so many miscommunications in the past, we never listened to each other.

\- If you suggest we stay behind and let you walk _alone_ in an armed, war- prepared enemy camp you are _seriously mistaken_ Lex.

The thought of even suggesting that made me chuckle, but I could understand why she was saying it and she wasn`t far from the truth, but after this morning I couldn't bring myself to ask that of her. She was a leader and just like me, she needed to be on the front lines. It was just something we owed to our people. After all who would follow a leader that cowered behind an army?

\- No _hodnes_ , I wouldn`t dare to suggest you that. – and the softening look on her face gave me the permission I needed to fully express my thoughts.

\- Actually, I was wondering, if maybe… perhaps you`d like to sort of keep the little bug with us maybe... once we get back to Polis and all? – I said it so blurry that I had to scold myself mentally for making such a horrific sentence structure that was spiraling out of control.

Clarke was looking at me with her azure eyes and only a smile graced her angelic features. She remained smiling and I couldn`t help but babble out my panicking thoughts.

\- I know what you must think, how could we of all people dare to even dream of keeping her? How could Heda, the heartless leader and _Wanheda_ the conqueror of death herself, even think of keeping this new and untainted life to ourselves? How could we even contemplate, raising life when our own lives are filled with so much death and suffering and pain? And I know we`ve just admitted how we feel, but the future isn`t certain and I don`t know if I`ll be lucky enough to have a day or a year by your side and I want it all with you. She – I gestured to the little girl – She has no one and yes I think that we can find her some marvelous people to look after her, but why should she grow with the tales of the courageous _Klark kom Skaikru_ instead of her actual persona? She adores us and I have never felt so complete as I have these last few days with you. Both of you. I want to wake up and see your beautiful faces every day until my fight ends. – I said taking her hands in mine.

\- But… what happened to _Hodnes laik kwelnes_ Commander? – she asked with a little uncertainty in her voice.

\- Someone showed me that it was a weakness worth fighting for… _ai hodnes_. – I said with a gentle smile on her face and felt her arms pulling me closer to her. She cupped my cheek and pressed her lips on mine again, in a gentle but also very demanding rhythm.

\- Okay Commander so apart from _trik prisa_ , how can we call her?

\- Hmm… I think I have the perfect name in mind. It`s one we both discovered in each other and more importantly in our hearts.

\- … Hope. – Clarke said huskily and the name sounded like the sweetest music coming from her lips. We were lucky enough to survive until the day we found _Hope_ (yes, hope in every sense of the word) and now it was time to begin living.


End file.
